Dear Sira, I don’t have a track record of making good choices. I recently started seeing someone but I’m just not feeling confident everything is how it should be. Can you help me sort through this so I don’t make another bad choice?
Sometimes there are subtle flags that come up and other times there are looming, huge red flags that fly up – especially visible to people that are observing you in an unhealthy relationship. Why don’t we see these flags? Maybe because we see good things that we want to hang on to and we think the negative things will get better. Unfortunately, that isn’t the way it works. Choose a response from the following statements with never, some of the time, most of the time, or all of the time in regards to your relationship:
1. I trust him/her to be faithful to me. 2. I feel emotionally safe with him/her. (Do his/her words and facial expressions make me feel good or are they hurtful and mean-spirited?) 3. I feel physically safe with him/her. 4. He/she encourages me to grow spiritually. 5. He/she encourages me to make new friends. 6. He/she approves of the time I choose to spend with my family. 7. He/she enjoys being around my family and friends. 8. He/she and I agree on how we choose to spend our money. 9. He/she chooses to spend time with me without being “linked in.” 10. He/she chooses to do activities we both enjoy. 11. He/she pursues hobbies and allows me to do the same. 12. I trust him/her to comfort and care for me when I’m sick or sad.
How does he/she score? Do you need to heed the warning flags and choose to end this relationship? We should never choose to settle for less! Our feelings, dreams, and goals are significant and should be important to him/her, as well.
Honestly evaluate your relationship and decide whether you want someone who will respect and love you or a lifetime of potential heartache. You can choose.